Dear Bluma: Stuck in the Middle of Heartbreak

I’m at a crossroads in my marriage. I won’t get into the details, but my heart is broken, and my husband is now sorry. Nothing seems like a good answer or a good path. How do you make decisions when you’re stuck?

— Frozen

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Dear Frozen,

Come sit with me, love. Bring the broken pieces and set them down gently. I feel your pain. Betrayal is an ancient heartbreak that can freeze the ground beneath your feet. You are standing inside something tender and unfinished.

Here is a quiet truth the elders don’t always say out loud. When you are this wounded, clarity does not arrive through logic or urgency. It arrives through thawing. Let your nervous system come back into your body before you ask it to choose a future. 

If a decision needs to be made, let’s ask the questions that actually help. Not “Will this work out?” and not “Will I regret this?” Those questions ask you to predict a future you cannot yet see.

Instead, ask this:

Who do I become if I choose this path?

I want you to focus on the shape of your OWN life, and energy in each direction. 

One path may ask you to stay engaged in a process of repair, with clear boundaries, patience, and ongoing truth-telling. Another path may ask you to grieve, stand alone for a while, and build something new. Both require courage.

Remorse can be meaningful. Repair, if it is to happen, unfolds over time through consistent action, accountability, and care.

Pay attention to what feels honest and possible in your body and heart right now.

1. If you stay, you are choosing the woman you are becoming within that relationship.
   
   
2. If you leave, you are choosing the woman you are becoming beyond it.
   
   

3. Neither choice defines your worth. They simply lead to different chapters. (And just so you know, I support you in either one… though I reserve the right to egg his car in spirit only if needed)

And because the mind loves to loop, here is one small, ancient trick to help you hear what your intuition already knows.

1. Take a coin. Assign each path. Heads for staying. Tails for leaving.
   
   
2. Before you toss it, notice this. Somewhere inside you, there is already a quiet preference.
   
   
3. Flip the coin.
   
   
4. While it’s spinning, pay attention to the flicker in your body. The small hope of how you’d like it to land.
   
   
5. When it lands, do not obey it. Ask yourself only this:

Am I relieved… or disappointed? 

 

That feeling is information. The coin doesn’t decide, of course. But it sure does reveal some instincts. 

This works because when choice is unbearable, desire leaks out sideways. It shows up as relief, or as grief, or as a strange calm you didn’t expect.

And if everything still feels frozen, meet yourself with care right now. Grab a fluffy, warm blanket to soften the moment. Light a candle. Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Say this until your shoulders drop:

“I do not need to solve my whole life right now.”

I trust your inner compass. It has survived everything so far. It knows how to move at the speed of truth, not urgency.

With tenderness, steadiness, and a spare carton of eggs on standby,

 Bluma 💄✨